Isabella, 28 years old, working as a researcher in biology.
I used the SENSEWIRED Workbook because I was suffering from a ‘dating fatigue’. The use of dating apps undermined my ability to trust, which made me isolate myself. I immediately related it to the idea of false belonging of the SENSEWIRED method.
The SENSEWIRED Method helped me to work this out by myself. It’s been an eye-opener with a profound influence on why and how I now use face-to-face and online connection to develop trust in my romance relationships. A true insightful experience.
Why it matters. Because interacting on social apps creates a sort of comfort that over time turns into continuous dissatisfaction which is difficult to escape. How to deal with trust these days matters to everyone who wants to reduce stress and anxiety in their daily lives.
My SENSEWIRED realistic check-up. Dating apps made me feel so empowered with plenty of possibilities to find real love. I used to spend long hours searching and chatting every day. I could easily get hook ups, but it was hard to find intimacy and commitment. Always searching was mentally exhausting, though my real concern came when I realized how difficult it was for me to trust others’ profiles and chats. I often developed more distrust than achievement. It feels so weird that we are able to show our best selves writing great profiles and making the best pictures but still get uncomfortable and insecure with face-to-face contact. At some point, I was giving more credit to what people said or showed online than offline. I got tired of trying to make sense of what others say and do online and offline.
A vicious circle. I used to make big or small expectations from my online dating prospects. In either case, I mostly got frustration and disappointment. The more I searched and chatted, the less confident I felt about myself and others in real life. Once you are in this routine, you think: it’s fine, not everyone is like that and keep going. I thought that the speed of online dating could make me immune to the emotional suffering of failing. But then I asked myself, how much ongoing distrust, frustration and disappointment one can stand, in searching for love online, without feeling lonely? It seemed I was fine but I wasn’t, I felt lonely.
Who’s to blame? First, I blamed others, then myself but never the dating apps. In other words, I blindly accepted the control of the apps features over my feelings and behaviors in my romance life.
Different behaviors and preferences. We all behave differently off and online which makes it sometimes difficult to make sense of ourselves. I preferred real contact, but often felt discriminated for that. Today people want to know everything about you online before meeting in real. For the majority, texting and pictures became faster ways of making decisions compared to having conversations where we look at each other’s eyes and gestures without fear. I felt not able to really trust others anymore.
Invisible effects. Little by little, I started to isolate myself more frequently. It was so hard to find real connection this way. Sadly, deep in my heart I accepted to stay alone, keeping the occasional shallow connections. Without noticing I felt sad more often, even depressive.
Learning from my own stories. The SenseWired method guided me to look into my off and online experiences and review my skills to build mutual trust. It helped me understand what I needed to learn and change to create more reliable connections.
In my case. I really needed more face-to-face contact to regain self-confidence. Too much online contact undermined my natural talents to connect and to feel in control of my self. This also resulted in a lack of attention to others and work issues.
The challenge. Being able to increase real life face-to-face contact. Making more trustworthy human connections using my offline social talents and skills.
The results. I understand better my situation, feelings and behaviors so I became more confident to deal with it. Now, I intentionally encourage my dates to meet offline more often. I lower my expectations and feel able to choose my preferences to connect and discuss them with others. Overall, I feel better equipped to strengthen my self-confidence (mind) and emotional state to deal with my off and on-line ‘dating fatigue’. Ultimately, I learned a great deal from my own stories. I saw how the SENSEWIRED method can help me improve other types of relationships. It became clear to me that nurturing my human connection is like nurturing my heart and brain with physical exercise.
What I liked the most. The easy self-understanding and decision process (freedom and belonging) of how to fit in with others in the digital age. It’s about recognizing emotions and behaviors of others and yourself. It’s about making sense of your inter-actions habits for your own sake. You’re free to decide whether you need more or less off and online contact in your life. Last but not least, the use of handwriting was essential to focus and make it more insightful.